Eternal Sadness

~August 16 2005~

Blushing red
dripping down
my lifeless face

Aching blistered wrist
wrapped in soiled cloths
tied behind my crooked back


                Keeping myself sane
                 with the understanding voices in my brain
                Such an emotional drain
                  with my neck bruised by the metal chain
                Keeping myself sane
                  with my mind focused on the intense pain  

Helpless sorrow
buries deep
in my heart

They come by often
pleasuring themselves
within me
as I am trapped
among my chains

They come by often
with injections
and various pills
numbing me
so that I no longer feel
what is real


                 Keeping myself sane
                   with the given injections of cocaine
                  Such a mental strain
                   with  all the men I have to entertain
                  Keeping myself sane
                    with the trance caused by my bleeding vein

I cry
yet I am unaware
I feel my body rub against
the damp cellar walls
I hear sounds of another's pleasure
yet I am unaware

My eyes flitter
Am I alive?
Have I died?

My body jitters
Are they done?
Are they beating me?

                     Keeping myself sane
                       with repressed thoughts of actions much profane
                     Such a horrific shame
                        with the diseases I have obtained
                     Keeping myself sane
                        with denial of seeing the accumulated bodily stains

Time is no longer a friend
but a desired lover
wanting it all to end

Shutting the world around me
with eyes closed
and desires open

Old crusty blood
stains the floor
miscarried children
lie among the floor

My scabbed vagina
burning with intensity
Inside I feel raw

Never leaving
until death arrives

Welcoming death
each desperate minute
       until then I am

                        Keeping myself sane
                             inside a mind already insane